You just fall more and more into an unbearable hole of darkness and you can’t figure out how to get out.
Everyday a little part of me is dying, but when i’m with you, it all comes back. And, i can be me again.Then we don’t see each other for a couple days and i lose it again. I can’t keep myself together in one big happy piece.
I can’t give advice anymore. No one bothers taking it or listening. I end up talking to a brick wall again. I can’t help you especially. I want to be able help you so much. But i can’t. You’re my toughest person yet, to help. I feel completely helpless and worthless to you.. I’m horrible.
There’s nothing more that i want to die. Those days, where all day i’m quiet. Maybe a few words here and there. That’s where i feel it most. Where i truly want to die. Give it up all the way. I’m be dead and everyone will be at easy. They wouldn’t have to worry about me. Some won’t even notice i’m gone. I promise myself that. No one cares about me at all. Maybe 2 people..
I have no problem dying.
And knowing my best friend won’t come back here to live. Makes me lose all hope completely. I miss her and i miss her being here where i could share everything with her and knowing she actually cares. Having someone to hang out with all the time and being able to cry for hours with her.
I’ll never be able to do that. She can only visit now.